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Chris J-R

[ website | Vökuró ]
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

I was struck by sudden inspiration! [28 Mar 2005|06:51pm]
This journal, rather than stagnating, can be used as a layout testing ground! Due to the recent spate of design work I've been doing, I've needed another account to work out the bugs on, and rather than clog LJ further with another defunct account, I can just do it here! Therefore... do not be alarmed if the layout for this page is ever somewhat... bizarre. It's merely another of my masterworks in progress. ;)
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Well, the day has come. [25 Mar 2005|01:50am]
[ mood | refreshed ]

I'm moving over to vokuro627 to synchronize all my online usernames. Accordingly, my screenname is now also vokuro627, so update your records as necessary, and I beg you to add me back to your friends lists at the earliest convenience. I try not to do this kind of thing too often, but I just needed a change, since all my usernames were things I'd chosen years ago which no longer really suit me. Apologies for the resultant hassle.

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I am in the wilderness [22 Mar 2005|08:19pm]
[ mood | tranquilly harried. ]

you are in the music,
in the man's car next to me.


An essay for tonight and a grueling test tomorrow in AP Euro for which I have not and can not (effectively) study. But after... after, peace.

I'm thinking about starting a bilingual blog. My Spanish-only blog has more or less failed dramatically, and I have far too many blogs in different places that it is not really worth maintaining them all.

(It says something important about my attitude towards life that I am concerning myself with such trivialities when the test tomorrow is most likely one I will fail. This is not good, but I'm not willing to emotionally invest myself in this sort of thing one day before spring break, so... no responsibility for you until 11 or so, when I'll predictably freak out and start working.)

In any case, my plan is as follows:
-Stop updating my Spanish-only xanga entirely, and only use it to read subscriptions over there
-Use my Greatestjournal, which appears on my website in any case, as the primary blog, occasionally cross-posting to LiveJournal
-Also on Greatestjournal, maintain a Spanish version in parallel which will be available separately on my website
-Update my journalspace by hand, whenever the mood takes me

The blogs will have somewhat different focii from now on: Greatestjournal will be general purpose, LiveJournal will tend more towards the mundane (*taunting laugh*), and Journalspace will be given over in large part to when I wax philosophical. Sound good? No? Well, I'm not likely to maintain these boundaries well, so you've nothing to worry about.

Okay, that's really enough time wasted on the computer. Time to work... adieu.

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Albania! [21 Mar 2005|09:55pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I am at JSHS in Albany. So far, the insanity of last year has yet to reappear in full force. Quel dommage! At the moment, I am quite lonely, for everyone has left me. Therefore, I am going to go find them. Adieu.

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Justice Dance! [18 Mar 2005|11:17pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I'm really exhausted, so no entry for you. Perhaps tomorrow. However, pictures!

The times, they were wild! ;)Collapse )

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Hmm, hmm, hmm. [17 Mar 2005|12:18am]
[ mood | excited / thoughtful / generally confused ]

I just looked over the courses available for the Stanford Summer College program... can you say, INTRIGUING? Because I can.

Of course, multitudinous objections soon sprang to mind.Collapse )

My initial ecstasy upon researching this program has been tempered with all these objections, and these are only the ones that immediately come to mind. There is no doubt that it would have the potential be a wonderful experience, but I need to think hard before coming to any decision.

It also brings up the question: why rush? On one hand, I feel more than ready to go; to gain my first taste of independence, however diluted by campus living, and have an opportunity to experience the type of erudition that I truly long for. Yet still: is there not something to be said for spending a lazy summer at home, relaxing and learning on my own terms? Furthermore, why do all this as a sophomore, there's still plenty of time.

Yet I am impatient, well willing to abandon the trappings of a comfortable childhood for the opportunity to learn. There's so much in this world to be learned, and I'm compelled to want to do it all, right now. I suppose I've always been this way, but never before have I felt ready to just drop everything and go. And I still don't know if I am.

Time shall tell.

5 comments|post comment

I don't know what's wrong with me! [14 Mar 2005|01:25am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

This has seriously got to stop. This is almost pathological behavior, and I don't know why I'm doing it anymore.

Each and every night, it's the same story. I end up staying up till some ridiculous time, do a half-hearted job on each assignment... often just dismissing things altogether. I'm doing it even now, as I write this entry.

Well, to be truthful, I do know why I do this. On some level, I don't care. I know full well the consequences, but the stuff I have to do is really trifling almost 99% of the time, and it just... doesn't seem important. And the thing is, I can get by like this, at present... for IB, this behavior may come back to haunt me a little more, but there's little doubt that I'll continue in this pattern that ultimately only makes things more difficult.

As for whether or not to do IB? All that added work, and for what gain... Yet there's no question I'm going to do it, because there's always been this particular mindset I have, which dictates that I'll take the most strenuous/"highest level" classes available to me, regardless of how important it really is. This, too, makes me sigh.

Anyway, despite my long-standing comparative slump in academics, I don't have any fears about keeping up in college. In fact, I long to go as soon as possible. I know college has its share of worthless classes, but you don't have to put up with all the authoritarian bullshit with which high school is so inundated. I also have reason to believe there may be some sort of discernible correlation between lecture attendance and success in a class, whereas at present, I miss stuff all the time, only to find that -- surprise! -- nothing of significance was accomplished in my absence, or whatever it was turned out to be just busywork.

Say it with me now, kiddos!
LE SIGH.

4 comments|post comment

Une nouvelle chanson! Sort of. [12 Mar 2005|06:31pm]
[ mood | working ]

This is most definitely a work in progress... in fact, it's nowhere near being done, but it was time to take a break and post something before I drove myself insane with little corrections. The mixing is a little off, but I've no energy left to mend it just now. The part towards the end features an almost inaudible sample of the actual melody that goes with it towards the end... I did some heavy sound processing on my voice so that it would be indistinguishable: firstly, because the accompanying words were poorly conceived and inconsequential, and secondly, because my falsetto is TERRIBLE. I tried doing that part on the cello too, but it didn't come out well enough to include.

Ah well, ever onwards.

Descendre des cordes

This was, by the way, the unintended result of my attempt to write the chilling piece "Unwind" for my and Jack's nascent musical. It turned out to be much less disturbing than I had meant, so I decided to put that idea on hold and continue with this alternate project for a little while. Perhaps if I nail down the exact "duelling violins/dissonant and tightly voiced minor passage" that has been floating around in my head, I'll be able to make some headway on the "insane murderess theme" as I've taken to calling it.

The musical's basic plotCollapse )

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[10 Mar 2005|01:43pm]
[ mood | indecipherable ]

all the night long she was running
seeking harmony
o rhythmic entrancer, wherefore dost thou not come out
reve(a)[l]ling [in]
thyself?

True.ly, it seemed so simple yet -

oh! can you hear
it?

above ascending by precise ratios each time recalling
w a ve r ing gen t l e no tes hov e r ing o n t o p o f t h e
repeat. peat. peating. sync. sync. syncopated melodic phrases over
Dis-crete-un-end-ing--pul--ses-in---ter-wov--en-with-

aHhh. i see now that
ex machinae,
she has at last
Arrived.

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Oh my! [09 Mar 2005|11:16am]
[ mood | sick ]

I didn't go to school today. Primarily because, when I awoke, I quickly discovered that -- I could hardly breathe! >_<

I suspect that having forgotten to do my math and French homework and the fact that I would have slightly less than no time to complete these tasks was a slight influence on my decision. However, I have no regrets.

While I've been laid up here in bed, I've been thinking about what direction I want my life to go in.

Everything's so uncertain.

The thought of going into theoretical physics and being on the leading edge of research has always been my dream. But now, I find that without warning, a persistent desire to immerse myself in the arts has slipped into my mind and thrown everything into confusion.

If I went down the path of physics, I would have the opportunity to be involved in what I feel could be some of the most important investigations that are open to humanity; into the nature of the world and everything in it. I would have the chance to be part of research that could (in a few centuries or so, very optimistically, but still) lead to discoveries that will bring the entire planet into a new technological age, and, with luck, rescue us from the the sun's eventual demise.

However, if I went into the arts... I could create works that would speak to people, that would communicate something essential to them. What is more, I could do it all the time, and hone the craft rather than merely attempting to create something of value in my spare time, an effort doomed to failure if I want to achieve something on any high level.

Yet both these efforts seems somehow selfish and vain. Are there not many things that require attention in the world, that will not see improvement by either avocation? Am I meant, then, to be a crusader for the righting of societal wrongs?

And, self-centered though it may be, where do my own desires fit into this picture?

From a pragmatic perspective, the most lucrative and comfortable option would be physics. A cushy job as a professor somewhere respectable, sitting in my office and typing away to probe the equations which govern the universe.

From a philosophical perspective, creating artworks that would be worth saving for posterity might be of equal importance.

From a personal perspective, I don't know that I would be truly happy in the knowledge that I wasn't working every minute to improve the overall quality of life in the here and now.

To sum up.
The question: whither fulfillment?
And the answer?

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And just like that, [05 Mar 2005|01:55pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

all my fears washed away.

Morning always did bring clarity.

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I feel so young. [04 Mar 2005|10:58pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Not in the sense that I feel full of energy or levity, but rather that I feel too young.

My impatience is unwarranted, I know... later, I will have wished that such naïveté could have stayed with me forever. Then again, I don't feel naïve at all-- yet of course, I wouldn't, would I... does this make any sense? I can't tell. My image of my future self is peering back and laughing now/then. "Ah, the folly of youth," he proclaims. I would cheerily echo the sentiment, but I know how I felt and suspect how I will feel.

Time, the sly devil, has taken to passing at different rates recently. Songs which I listen to seem now slower, now faster than I remember; always, the beat is just an iota away from where I thought it should fall, and my mind's ear is thrown into turmoil. I don't like this new chronology one bit.

All I can think about is the price. The terrible, inevitable price. When is the debt due? Who will come to collect it? The one thing I do not fear is knowing the moment. I now think one always knows, and in this instant, it's true. Perhaps later it shall not be. Perhaps there is nothing to be counted upon. Perhaps...

Enough. I'll go to bed, get up again, and all this can be shuffled aside as the idle preoccupation of a wearied mind until I have the stamina to entertain such thoughts again. For the present, I bid you farewell, wherever you fare.

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Returned! [01 Mar 2005|11:39pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

My trip to New York was... eventful, to say the least. I wrote a small tome on the subject which can be read below for the truly adventurous. The rest of you may (and when I say may, I mean will) want to stick to the summary.

In brief:
Day 1:
- The Gates: intriguing.
- Ruby Foo's: do not order tempura goat cheese salad. BAD IDEA.
- Whitney Museum: Tim Hawkinson creates strange devices.
- Phantom of the Opera (movie): enjoyable, but only with liberal application of rose-tinted glasses.
- John's Pizzeria: tasty.
- Sleep: comes highly recommended!

Day 2:
- Subway card for the day: 7 dollars
- M&G's Sunday brunch for four: 25 dollars
- Being asked if I wanted my hair braided by three different people in the span of that many minutes: priceless
- Studio Museum of Harlem: Meschac Gaba creates strange hair constructions.
- Metropolitan Museum: enjoyable as always.
- Dessa Rose: unique and compelling musical.
- Sleep: again, highly recommended... more of it would have been nice.

UNBELIEVABLY LONG. DO NOT READ. You have been warned.Collapse )

Also, a poem!Collapse )

4 comments|post comment

New York City for the weekend! [25 Feb 2005|08:17pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

What more need be said?

2 comments|post comment

Disregard the first part of this entry. [23 Feb 2005|01:10am]
[ mood | cryptic ]

je ne peux pas penserCollapse )

'I can't think' -- now in English!Collapse )
What I want is for all this ambiguity and these barriers to be done away with. I want to perceive every person from every angle, at all times. What they did when they were 5 years old, sitting on a fence with their best friend and confidant -- or maybe by themselves. What they thought at the precise moment they discovered the meaning of mortality. Who inspired them to write a beautiful story thirty years from now in the autumn. Their why's and what's and how's need to be mine and everyone's before they are no one's. And merely talking won't do it. Nor will simply observing. I need a persona machine to let me leap between the myriad minds of these people, to teach me what it is that makes each one act as they do. Then perhaps I can begin to decipher this life.

Failing that, there's always playing some music. That, I believe I can do.

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My condolences to the Ezie family, for the loss of husband and father. [19 Feb 2005|07:22pm]
[ mood | thinking ]

I never knew him, yet his passing weighs heavily upon me.

"Quietly while you were asleep
The moon and I were talking
I asked that she'd always keep you protected
She promised you her light that you so gracefully carry
You bring your light and shine like morning
And then the wind pulls the clouds across the moon
Your light fills the darkest room
And i can see the miracle that keeps us from falling
She promised all the sweetest gifts
that only the heavens could bestow
You bring your light and shine like morning
And as you so gracefully give her light as long as you live
I will always remember this moment"

--The Sweetest Gift, Sade

He sent an e-mail to the WISE address, about a month ago. Even if I didn't meet him, it's impossible for me to comprehend the fact that the man behind those words is just... not there anymore.

I want to dedicate the WISE website to his memory (pending Chisara's approval, which I still haven't requested... it's too early yet, I think). It seems rather inconsequential, but... it's something that I feel should be done.

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¡Mira! ¡Allí está Señor Cancioncita! ¡Atrápale! [13 Feb 2005|01:01pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

Sea - a brief minimalist electro-abstract piece approximating my mood. Not particularly aesthetic, but there you have it. Listen, or don't.

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Regional JSHS! [12 Feb 2005|06:16pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

...was really mediocre. But Woody was picked as a presenter! I was so proud of mi nieto. (As I call him, since I elected myself to be his hispanic grandmother's representative whenever she is not readily available. Go figure!) Salma and Fran were chosen as well, and Rebecca and I will do the poster thing.

At any rate, the bus ride home was pretty bizarre. Patrick revealed a previously unknown side... a side which should have remained unrevealed. But we all had a great time laughing at his expense. Will I elaborate?

No. ;-)

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Interesting. [11 Feb 2005|08:24pm]
[ mood | tired ]

It's a conniption, fit when the microphone's lit
I take it higher like a bird on a wire, retire the fire
I'll never -- cause I'm just moving on up
Choosin' to touch, the unseen, cravin' the clutch
The most inevitable, legible pyromania
Slayin' the devil, and sendin' him back to Transylvania
Strangely enough, I avoid that side of the ghetto
From my heavy metal, we'll settle the puppets like Gepetto
Damn, if mirrors were created by sand
Then I'm looking in the water for reflections of man

Understand the minds above time when it's empty
Emcee, tragically hip, ahead by a century

No time to get down cause I'm moving up
No time to get down cause I'm moving up
No time to get down cause I'm moving up
Ah, ah... Check out the crabs in the bucket

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Muzzy says: Je suis la jeune THIEF. (now with grades!) [07 Feb 2005|11:20pm]
[ mood | half-awake ]

If you read this, even if I don't speak to you often, you must post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad, just so long as it happened.


Then post this to your journal. See what people remember about you...

PS - Notas!Collapse )

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